My Spoken Word

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another.

You keep saying those words
and yet it lost its meaning.
I always thought I was wrong
that you didn't love me--
anymore, I was thinking.

It's going to be another
used-to-be,
And I'll move on from
my misery.

Say hello and goodbye, baby.
You're going to be just a memory.

For Vya.

♥ Addy Bee.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Ramen.

It's all confusing.

Either you're warm or you're cold. You're never the same. And the taste in my mouth linger till the sore of my throat and it still makes me quiver. As the soft texture of you pass by my lips and I sigh in contentment.

Oh, how I adore you, Ramen.

♥ Addy Bee.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Every little thing.

I am a lint on your new coat. A speckle of dust on your new clean floor. A quick honk of the horn as you pass by. A fast moving car as you hurry on the road like a sigh. A train of thought that you can't put on paper.

A swift move of the hand to your cheeks in anger. A shake of the hand that the touch you can't muster. A kiss on the lips that you never wanted. A titter of the teeth as you found out you lost her.

A crowd of people in silence as you told a joke upfront. A list of things to do that you can't seem to put into action. A wish you want to be granted but is too impossible to even be considered. A reality that dwindles your fantasy.

I am a hindrance to your happiness. But I won't be any longer.

♥ Addy Bee.

Breath.

My eyes slanted, small as they are, see right through the depths of every word and every soul misheard. Darkened fog of confused and misused. Reality obscured with realms of justified gestalts. And when he pushed, it didn't hurt.

When she looked at him: blank. Void. None of emotions. But she cries inside because it hurts. When she lets it out it turns into salt. It tastes bittersweet when she ends it.

But she breathes.

♥ Addy Bee.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Says

He said and she said.

It was always the opposite. Shame that they can't find complacency amidst all the rubble of thorned roses and bittersweet pomegranates. He said and she said... with words mixed and jumbled.

Perfection.

Always sought after, but never quite a reach. Seems like a bitch to me.

♥ Addy Bee.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Deaf.

Shh, baby. Don't make some noise.

They said you're here but you don't have a choice. And you kept knocking... just knocking on my door. And I ask you, "why are you here?" but your voice is stuck in between your lips and your throat constricts and you never said a word.

Knock knock. And I hear it again.

I open my door and yet you stand there, never saying a word. I nudge, I ask, I plead for you to speak. Without opening your mouth, you turned back and disappeared. But the knock keeps echoing, but my mind has already shut its ears.

Shh, baby. Don't make any noise.

Because right now, I can't hear. I don't want to. It's my choice.

♥ Addy Bee.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Apart

PART I

Little pitter-patters on the back of this mind filled with contained laughter. Where can you see this beam of light echo against a metal platform.

What? Insane? Me? No.

It's just that... the voices in my head are too loud. They crowd my mind with their nonsense and their names unmarked.

PART II

Your hands seem so warm against this cold.

But... stop. Why won't hands so warm hold mine--against yours--and feel skin against skin and melt...

Just... melt.

And not care about reality because it doesn't matter when you and me seem to blend. And all you'll think about is that strand of hair against my lips... so kiss them.

Forget. And just... melt.

♥ Addy Bee.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Seat.

I'm sitting on this desk.

Of metal and wood mixed with the uncertainty of a presence.

Never knowing whether a person would sit down on the chair laid upon the table's contents or rather... would it be just another lonely day with my head resting upon my palm up and my elbows adjoining with the cold, hard surface.

Alone with my head propped up and waiting.

Alone... waiting.

Whether you'd pick this seat or that seat determines of your fate. This girl by the name Kate, now would you tell me if you'd rather I hate?

It's just another phase, they say. And I've been stepped on for too much to rather stay quiet. I gave up, gave in, and now I'm learning how to save myself from hurting.

It's either that seat or this seat. Just pick and hope it's worth it. Because the next time, when you pick that seat--over there where you're not known and if you're even wanted--then you'll find it... too late.

I've already given the seat for you to take.

♥ Addy Bee.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Steady

And you asked me before--

"Are you happy with us?"

And I knew--right then and there, I wanted to kiss you. Ravage your mouth against mine. Cheeks against cheeks, chin tilted, ears flushed, eyes closed, and tongue searching for the life given birth when your breath against mine never tasted better and sweeter than chocolate.

I wanted it long, soft, steady, and warm as all traces of doubt erased within your memory and your heart. It is an attempt to make you forget...

All those worries, those tears, those mishaps we seem to always get to when I'm around you. No. I just wanted you to see. See the laughs, the smiles, the way my eyes lit up when you're around me and just wanting to take your hand and lead you somewhere else where people won't be looking.

Yes. It seems a feeble attempt to keep you and your heart. But I stayed quiet. And I wished you would notice that smile. The smile that you kept recalling as you always told me and feel that warmth spread out across your body like a wave of feelings unleashed.

Yes. Dead God, yes. I wanted that feeling. For you. For me. And I never want you to forget how much it meant to me when those hugs and kisses were exchanged and our steady breathing became irate.

But in that moment, as you stood by and waited for the reply to the question I wished remained not asked because... obviously... I wouldn't even waste my time for a man that wouldn't keep me happy.

I kissed you.

Because you didn't need to ask.

You just had to notice all those words that never left my lips... but to my heart that keeps on beating just because you exist.

♥ Addy Bee.